As I look around me it seems that everyone is pregnant but me. I am really happy for the girls I know that are about to know the wonderful joy of motherhood and their digs (significant others) that will soon be fathers. I have a beautiful son and I feel that my life didn't really start until the moment he began to grow inside me. However, I know that I am meant to have more children. My son needs to have siblings and my husband needs the family that I promised him, they both deserve it. The problem is that because of my health issues and the medicine I take it isn't ideal for me to get pregnant right now. I know that I should concentrate on my health but I really want to have another child. It's always been a part of me, that I would have a lot of children. At this point it might not be a lot but at least it could be two or three? I would really like to have our second child by the time Hunter is 6 but it's getting closer and closer to his 5th birthday and my healthbisn't really improving. It's breaking my heart and I can tell it's starting to weigh heavily on my husband. When we started dating we talked at length about the kind of family we wanted and I feel like a failure because I am unable to give that to him right now and I don't know if I ever will be. What if my health never improves? I don't want to have a negative outlook but, what if it stays like this forever? We have talked about adopting but I know my husband wants one more biological child before we adopt. My plan is to have one more baby in the next year and a half. Then 3-4 years from the time that baby is born we will adopt another child out of Foster Care. I really like my plan. I just need to get my health crap out of the way, ugh. Some people have told me that I am selfish and that I should be grateful for what I have. I am grateful, but I know that I have more love inside me than I can give to just one child. I know that I am meant to be the mother of more than one child, that's the only way I can explain it. I'm not sure if anyone would understand unless they were in my shoes.
xo HG
