I'm not in the business of doing what other people want me to do, when they want me to do it. Normally, I bristle when I hear words like "you need to do" or "I want you to do" especially when they are followed by the word "NOW". I'm pretty sure I decide what I'm going to do and when. I don't like to talk about the downward spiral my life is taking and I don't want to dig deep into all the shit with my therapist. I'd much rather feel better first, have some sort of good feelings to use as a foundation. I will call my therapist and we'll talk about it all and what's fixable will be fixed and if the damage that  has been done can't be repaired, oh well! At least I'll be able to say I did it on my terms. I can control THAT! There are things I do because I have to and things I do because I want to. I like to decide the difference. The way I'm dealing with this isn't obvious to everyone around me and THEY can't handle it, not me. I write, I listen to music, I read and I knit and crochet. All of these things are like meditation for me and they help me through this... I also blog, duh. And it's not traditional, but it's good. I'll call my therapist when I AM READY. Thank you very much.

xo. H.